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Andromeda Tonks' Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Andromeda Tonks

1.)   andromeda clytemnestra tonks née black

2.)   listen to me bitch about ted or poverty

3.)   everyone else bitching about everything else

4.)   my little pictures if you want to look at them
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HELP HELP HELP [15 Aug 2006 at 4:50PM]
[ mood | rushed ]

OKAY! ALICE'S PARTY IS IN TEN MINUTES AND I AM IN A PETROL STATION NEARBY LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT WILL PROBABLY ONLY REMIND HER OF WHAT A SHITTY FRIEND I WAS AND WHY WE STOPPED TALKING IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT I CAN'T GO ON ABOUT THAT BECAUSE I NEED MAKE A LIST OF ALL POTENTIAL GIFTS. YES. YES. I'LL START WITH THE STUFF NEAREST TO THE CASH REGISTER AND SWIVEL AROUND:

  1. SPANISH FLY (NO IDEA WHAT IT'S FOR BUT THERE'S A SHIRTLESS WOMAN SNIFFING A MAN'S CROTCH ON THE COVER. SEEMS PROMISING.)

  2. A SCROLLED-UP HOROSCOPE (BUT I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT HER SIGN IS AND THAT IS A SUCH STUPID STUPID IDEA ANYHOW.)

  3. PORK RINDS (I MEAN WHO COULD SAY NO TO FLAVOURLESS BITS OF FRIED PIG FLESH? HA HA HA. OH GOD OH GOD.)

  4. BEEF JERKY (THEY ONLY HAVE TERIYAKI STYLE, THOUGH.)

  5. DECORATIVE PIPES (IT'S REALLY JUST A BONG, BUT IT COMES IN ALL SORTS OF PRETTY COLOURS! I CAN GET ONE TO MATCH HER COUCH! SHE CAN USE IT AS A INCENSE HOLDER! THEY GOT INCENSE HERE, TOO!!)

  6. FAGS (OF THE NICOTINE VARIE
AND FUCK THE CLERK HERE SAYS I'M LOITERING SO I NEED TO PICK SOMETHING ASAP. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GET ONE OF EACH BECAUSE CHEAP CRAP IS CHEAP CRAP, BUT A LOT OF CHEAP CRAP CAN MAKE FOR AN ADEQUATE PRESENT?
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ATTN: EVERYONE BEING MEAN TO SIRIUS [07 Dec 1980 at 1:21AM]
[ mood | LIVID ]

LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE IS NOT A SHIRTLIFTER, AN ARSE PIRATE, A POUF, A FAG (FLAMING AND OTHERWISE), A PILLOW BITER, A (BOG, DIZZY, SCAT, ET AL) QUEEN, A DUCKIE, A FAIRY, A SAUSAGE JOCKEY, A SHITE-STABBER, A TWINK, A WOOLY WOOFTER, A COCKGOBBLER OR A PENISMEISTER! HONESTLY, YOU LOT HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT ABOUT SIRIUS CONSIDERING HOW FAR UP HIS ARSE YOU ALL ARE STICKING YOURSELVES!

FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES, LET ME TAKE A MINUTE HERE TO SHOW YOU WHAT IS GAY:



AND I HAVE A LOT MORE FROM WHERE THAT CAME FROM SO BE NICE!
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Memory Lane [01 Dec 1980 at 8:22PM]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Well, fuck, it's been so long since I wrote in here, three maybe almost four years, I don't know what to write about. I stopped reading and writing in it after the pisshead I call my husband didn't quite make it to the kitchen sink after one of his all-nighters and coated the kitchen counter, the dishes I had just washed and my hapless journal in green, chunky vomit. It was probably on St. Paddy's Day, judging by the vomit. It's really something. Greeks could tell time with the sun, I can say what holiday it is by that shiteface's vomit. And after eight years of marriage, I'm something of a master at it.

Vomit aside! Ted made me feel all nostalgic when I saw him looking at his journal these last few days and three years seems like a long enough time to let something decontaminate etc., so I made a weekend out of ripping apart our closet to find my journal and some of my old things. I even found the box with Ted's photos that he wanted to put in an album for our coffee table. I mean how could you not show art of this calibre to your friends and family:



The MILF is Alice Longbottom, and I think she miscarried shortly after this picture was taken so it adds just that much more class to it.
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